Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize