I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We need to rekindle our bromance
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
