maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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