And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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