Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
