Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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