ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
