my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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