my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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