I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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