She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
