very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
