I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
