so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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