Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
