He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
