I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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