there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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