Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
