you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
whose parrot is this?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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