...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
