im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You work out of a Hotel?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Semen is not good for contacts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
