Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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