reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
