All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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