were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
