I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
