Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
