I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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