Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
