I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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