I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
