My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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