he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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