What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
wow bdsm is so cute
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
