One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
