its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
