look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
