don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You have to summon your inner elephant
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
