Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
