No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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