ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
