Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I faked an abortion last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I believe in your delicious
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
