saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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