wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
