I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
