If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
