woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
