I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
