dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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