Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
