you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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