is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
