So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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