mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
