i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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