Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
