what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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