Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
