bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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