I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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