I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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