Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love you.
Bad choice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
