After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
