i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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