I smell stomach acid.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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