I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize