I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
