those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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