There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
